That's Interesting…

This is an old article from the Telegraph that I just came across. It is so well-written, I just had to post it.

Hugo Chavez bans singing in the bath, appoints Minister for Electricity Shortages – come on, Gordon!

It’s official: baths and jacuzzis are anti-socialist. Not for nothing do their opponents describe the proletariat as the great unwashed. That worthy heir to Kadar and Ulbricht, successor to the great Fidel as liberator of Latin America, Hugo Chavez the President of Venezuela has written a new chapter in the Marxist canon. Henceforth, nobody is to sing in the bath or the shower, since it is a distraction from the basic business of washing, and no more than three minutes is to be spent in the shower.

“If you are going to lie back, in the bath, with the soap and you turn on the – what’s it called – the jacuzzi,” raved Chavez during a televised cabinet meeting, “imagine that, what kind of communism is that? We’re not in times of jaccuzzi.” (That has a ring to it: “times of jaccuzzi” – it sounds like the title of something Gabriel Garcia Marquez might have knocked off: “Love in Times of Jacuzzi”.) “I’ve counted, three minutes, and I don’t stink,” insisted Chavez.

These remarks tell us two things about Chavez. The first is, he obviously has no teenage daughters. The second is, he is so barking that the current denizen of 10 Downing Street could give a passable imitation of sanity if seated alongside him. You could not ask for a better illustration of the knee-jerk instinct of socialism to intrude into every area of private life than the prohibition of singing in the bath and the restriction of showers to three minutes.

In fact, baths and showers may soon be totally eliminated in the People’s Republic of Venezuela, since government mismanagement of public utilities, combined with the climatic effects of El Nino, are creating a looming water shortage. The other impressive achievement of this communist government is that the oil-rich nation is appointing a Minister of Electricity Shortages to deal with the worsening power crisis. It’s déjà-vu all over again, for anybody who remembers the triumphs of socialism in Eastern Europe between 1945 and 1989.

But imagine the chagrin this must be causing in Gordon’s bunker: a maniacal piece of state control-freakery – and somebody else got there ahead of Labour. Do not be surprised to find a ukase being handed down against singing in the bath in Britain, almost certainly on climate change grounds. Have you any idea how much greenhouse gas is pumped into the atmosphere by 60-somethings warbling Simon and Garfunkel favourites in the bathroom? No, well you can bet some climate-change busybodies and Eurocrats will currently be investigating, with a view to introducing a ban.

In the classic chicken-and-egg scenario, it is impossible to assess whether Hugo Chavez is inspiring Gordon Brown, or vice-versa. The Enforcement of Dingy, Mercury-Contaminated, Eyesight-Destroying Light Bulbs Order may have been imposed in Britain ahead of Venezuela, but soon we too shall need a Minister for Electricity Shortages (“Power Cuts Czar”). One thing is sure: the Stalinist instincts and the urge to intrude, to repress and to posture suggest a very similar DNA in the dictators of Venezuela and Britain. Better go now and hammer on the bathroom door – before a commissar comes and does it for you