That's Interesting…

This afternoon David and I had a glorious nap/cuddle in the back yard. It was so peaceful and mellow. I felt very happy and relaxed until a bird flew over us and pooped–barely missing me. The next moment David was up throwing rocks at the insolent fowl. And that was the end of the Sabbath.

Saturday night I got sucked into watching The Return of the King. Not sure how it happened. I was weak and the ring was strong. I really enjoy the series but…
1. I absolutely hate Gollum. He totally terrifies me. I refuse to watch any part of the movie where he is featured…which apparently leads to severe gaps in my understanding of the story line.
2. I frequently get lost. Who is with us? Who is against us? Although I finally figured out that the answer is simple: the pretty people are with us, the ugly people are against us. Just like real life.
3. I started reading the books a few years ago but there were so many side stories that after a while I had no idea who the main characters were. I go through life writing bulletted lists. I dont appreciate verbose prose. I like Cliff notes. I know, it is blasphemy.
4. Wikipeadia is extremely helpful and clearly the Middle-Earth related posts are written by nerds who wrote entire Tolkien dissertations in elvish.

On Friday, we attended a U of U Graduation Reception–an event that I have been planning for the last few weeks. Huge deal. We were running late. I was livid. Still, I remembered that emotions are just chemical reactions and that whatever I feel, the baby feels…so I tried to cool my anger. Dont want an angry baby. The strategy I came up with was to smile while cursing. Unfortunately, even this brilliant tactic came to naught because after a while I forgot to smile and just stuck with cursing. Furthermore, the Blueberry will be bilingual so my usual default of using Czech curse words was flawed. Ingeniously I decided to switch back and forth between Czech and English so as to confuse her. I am going to be a terrific mother.

Love,

Sandy

Passing babies down the pew is a well-established Church ordinance. All parents religiously ensure that their child be touched by as many strangers as possible just until they are old enough to get lectured to avoid strangers at all costs.
Well, today we witnessed a two-month old girl circulating the pews in front of us when David leaned over and asked if I will allow the same done with the Blueberry. I replied “Of course! But she will come with a hat that reads ‘Donations’ “. David proposed a sweater with a pocket labeled “Tips”. I am a practical woman but still I am not so sure I want my baby to look like kangaroo that ate a piggy bank . Instead, I think the solution is a nice wide and deep sombrero hat.. Though on particularly cute Blueberry days, I might consider a sombrero/sweater combo. Must remember to register for a sombrero for my baby shower!
Frankly, experiences like this make me laugh about my previous mothering anxieties. Clearly child labor comes naturally to me!

Additionally, although it is impossible to put the word “accountant” and “hippie” in the same sentence…I have a confession to make….I am considering placenta encapsulation.
Yes, I want to eat my own organ.
Yes, it borders on cannibalism and masochism.
Yes, I promise to share all the gory details with you.
But, you never, ever argue with a pregnant woman.

Btw, read this hilarious article on the topic written by a Lysol-loving husband.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1908442,00.html